Are You Really Listening?

Most of us would say we’re good listeners.

We hear the words. We nod at the right times. We might even repeat back a sentence or two.

But real listening goes far beyond catching the words someone says.
Real listening is about catching what’s underneath those words.

That’s where listening repetitions come in.

What Are Listening Reps?

Listening repetitions, or listening reps, are intentional practice where you listen to the same story, statement, or moment of feedback multiple times so you can hear beyond the surface.

Instead of hearing something once and reacting, you come back to it again.

With each repetition, you start to notice new layers:

• The actual words being used

• The tone behind those words

• The emotion underneath the tone

• The body language that either matches or contradicts the words

• And what’s not being said at all

This kind of listening trains you to slow down, suspend your assumptions, and understand others more fully before you jump in with a reaction, defense, or solution.

5 Signs You Might Not Be Really Listening

If you’re wondering how you’re doing with listening, here are a few honest checks.

1. You’re already crafting your response while they’re still talking

Your brain is in reply mode, not receive mode.

Instead of truly taking in what they’re saying, you’re mentally preparing your story, your defense, or your advice.

2. You interrupt with solutions

The minute you think you understand, you jump in to:

• Fix

• Explain

• Advise

You may have good intentions, but the other person doesn’t feel heard. They feel hurried.

3. You remember the headline, but not the heart

Later, you can repeat what they said on the surface, but not how they felt underneath.

You got the facts, but you missed the feeling.

4. You get defensive when you hear feedback

When someone shares feedback, you quickly start defending your:

• Intentions

• Choices

• Actions

Instead of getting curious, you gear up to protect yourself.

5. People stop bringing you real things

Over time, people share less of their honest thoughts and feelings with you.

They talk about logistics, tasks, and surface topics… but the deeper stuff never really makes its way to you, because they don’t feel deeply heard.

How To Practice Listening Reps

The good news: listening reps don’t require a special talent. They require intentional attention.

Here’s a simple way to start.

Step 1: Commit to hearing it twice

The next time someone shares something important, mentally commit to listening to it at least two times.

First, listen for the content:
What are they actually saying?

Then, listen again for the layers:
How are they saying it?
What’s the emotion?
What are they not saying?

Step 2: Use simple, clarifying phrases

You can create your own listening reps by slowing the conversation down with phrases like:

“I want to make sure I really hear you. Can you say that again?”

or

“Here’s what I heard you say… did I get that right?”

Those questions force you to replay, re-hear, and re-check. That’s a listening rep in action.

Step 3: Notice how it changes the moment

When you practice listening reps, you’ll start to notice:

• People soften and open up more

• Conflicts deflate faster

• Misunderstandings get cleared before they explode

• You feel less pressure to fix everything and more freedom to simply be present

From Reacting To Relating

Listening reps slow you down just enough to move from reacting to truly relating.

You’re no longer racing to respond.
You’re choosing to really hear.

And in your relationships, your leadership, and your business, that shift is powerful.

So here’s the question to sit with:

Are YOU really listening?

Not just to the words… but to the story, the emotion, and the silence in between.

That’s where connection is built. That’s where trust grows. And that’s where your conversations start to change everything.

If you missed this short & punchy episode with Kim on The My Sexy Business podcast, you can listen to Episode #56 here

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Blog #169