Stage Busters With Elbows To The Front: How “Taking The Stage” Can Quietly Break Trust

Most of us have been on the receiving end of it:

You’re mid-sentence and someone cuts you off.
You’re in a meeting and one person hijacks the whole conversation.
You’re in a collaboration and suddenly it feels like it’s “their show” and everyone else is just background.

We call this stage busting with elbows to the front.

It’s more than being confident or willing to speak up. It’s that aggressive push into the spotlight, where someone crowds others out so they can be seen, heard, and praised first.

And in small business, it quietly costs you trust, safety, and real collaboration.

What Is A “Stage Buster With Elbows To The Front”?

A stage buster with elbows to the front is someone who pushes themselves into the center of attention, physically or verbally, using their “elbows” to claim space, airtime, and control.

Instead of:

• sharing space

• collaborating

• elevating the group

they lead with:

• ego

• urgency

• and a need to be first

On the outside, it can look like strong leadership.
On the inside, it often feels like being elbowed out of your own room.

Stage busters use their “elbows” to:

• talk over others

• rush to the mic

• dominate the conversation

• re-center everything on their story, their offer, their win

The result?
People around them feel smaller, quieter, and less safe.

Have You Ever Been Elbowed By A Stage Buster?

Think about a recent room you were in:

• a Zoom meeting

• a live event

• a group coaching call

• a panel or collaboration

Did you feel:

• talked over?

• rushed?

• invisible, even though you had something to say?

That’s what happens when a stage buster with elbows to the front walks in.

The energy shifts from “we’re in this together” to “watch me”.
And whether people name it or not, they feel the difference.

• The quieter voices stop contributing.

• Honest feedback goes underground.

• The best ideas often never get spoken out loud.

You might walk away thinking, “Wow, that person is impressive.”
But the room often walks away feeling drained.

Why This Shows Up So Often In Entrepreneurship

Here’s where it gets tricky:
Entrepreneurs are constantly told things like:

• “Own the room.”

• “Take up space.”

• “If you don’t shout, no one will notice you.”

Visibility is important. We’re not against that at all.

But there’s a big difference between showing up and shoving in.

Many stage buster behaviors come from:

• fear of being overlooked

• pressure to prove yourself

• old stories like “If I don’t grab the mic, I’ll be forgotten”

So the elbows come out.
Not always from malice, but from anxiety and urgency.

The problem is that your intent and your impact are not the same thing.

You might intend to “lead strong,”
but the impact is:

• people shut down

• trust gets thinner

• and the culture around you becomes performative instead of honest

The Hidden Cost To Your Business

If you’re leading a small business, team, or community, stage busting has real costs:

1. Fewer ideas and less innovation

When people feel crowded out, they don’t bring their best thinking.
They bring the safest, most agreeable version of themselves.

2. Surface-level agreement

People nod and smile, but they’re not telling you what they really think.
You lose the honest feedback that actually grows your business.

3. Weaker relationships

Clients, partners, and team members might collaborate once, but they don’t rush back.
They can’t always articulate why – they just don’t feel good in your spaces.

4. Personal burnout

Keeping up a constant “front of the stage” persona is exhausting.
When your energy goes to proving yourself, there’s less left to actually serve.

Attention can be won with elbows.
Trust has to be earned with safety.

And trust is what keeps your clients, collaborations, and team with you for the long haul.

Have You Ever Been The Stage Buster?

Here’s the harder question:

Have you ever been the one with the elbows out?

It might show up as:

• jumping in before others finish

• steering every topic back to your story or your offer

• filling every silence because it feels uncomfortable

• assuming you need to lead every second for things to go well

If you see yourself in any of that, you’re not alone.
We’ve all had moments where urgency and ego sneak in.

The good news:
You can lead strongly without crowding everyone else off the stage.

How To Lead Without Elbows

Here are a few simple shifts to move from stage busting to stage sharing.

1. Lead With Invitation, Not Interruption

Before you jump in, pause and ask:

“Has everyone who needs to speak had space yet?”

Instead of barging into the conversation, you can:

• wait a beat

• let someone finish

• or invite someone else in first:
  “I’d love to hear what you think before I share.”

2. Share The Stage On Purpose

Make it a habit to:

• name other people in the room

• ask for their insights

• hand them the mic, literally or figuratively

Examples:

• “Sarah, you see this from a different angle. What are you noticing?”

• “Before I answer, does anyone else want to weigh in?”

When you share the stage, you still lead.
You’re just not leading alone.

3. Anchor To The Outcome, Not Your Image

When you feel that urge to jump in, ask:

“What does this group actually need most right now?”

Maybe they need clarity, not more hype.
Maybe they need quiet, not another story.
Maybe they need encouragement, not your list of wins.

When you focus on the outcome instead of your image, your presence becomes more helpful and less heavy.

4. Watch Who Gets Quiet Around You

One of the clearest signals that your elbows are out:

Certain people consistently go silent when you’re talking.

That’s not something to feel shame about.
It’s something to get curious about.

• Do they feel rushed?

• Do they feel like there’s no space?

• Do they feel like their input doesn’t matter once you’ve spoken?

Use that as data.
Ask more questions.
Make deliberate space.

What People Feel Around You Matters

Here’s a simple self-check:

When people walk away from a room you lead, do they feel:

• included

• heard

• safe

• energized

or

• small

• invisible

• rushed

• tired

Both experiences can involve “strong leadership,”
but only one builds a business that people want to stay in.

You may grab attention with elbows.
You build loyalty with safety.

A Gentle Challenge For You Today

Think of one upcoming situation where you’d normally rush to the front:

• a team meeting

• a group coaching call

• a live stream

• a collaboration or panel

Before you show up, ask:

“How can I make this space safer and more collaborative for everyone here?”

Then:

• invite more voices

• pause before you jump in

• share credit and spotlight

• keep bringing the focus back to the shared mission, not just your moment

Your leadership can still be strong.
Your presence can still be visible.

It just doesn’t have to knock anyone else off the stage.

At My Sexy Business, we believe your business gets a lot more powerful when your leadership creates room for people, not just room for you.

If this resonated with you, share it with another entrepreneur or leader who shows up in rooms, on stages, and online. And if you want a community where we practice this kind of leadership together, come connect with us at My Sexy Business.

If you missed this short & punchy episode with Kim on The My Sexy Business podcast, you can listen to Episode #69 here

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Blog #197