Hey fellow entrepreneurs, welcome to the Buckets and Boone Gates Studio with Kim White, Jill Olish, and many other brilliant entrepreneurs. Determined to solve world problems for entrepreneurs, this community is changing how we look at the big things we do on our business adventure and sharing from their own lives ways to protect our time, money, and bandwidth. This show is designed for you, the entrepreneur to hear behind the scenes stories of real business people across the globe and learn what is possible for you. Keep listening to join today's juicy conversation with Kim and Jill. Welcome to the Buckets and Boom Gates studio. I am Jill Olish and I am joined by the fierce Kim White. Kim, thank you so much for doing the podcast with me today. I'm always honored, Jill, wherever we are doing things. I love it. Well, today we are talking about one of the least sexy words that protects your sexy life. Boundaries. Boundaries. Yeah. So if you are exhausted, resentful, or always on for your clients, this episode is for you. We've been there. We've all been there. But Kim, before we get into our confession today and some examples of boundaries, can you frame it for us and why boundaries are important in business? I think boundaries are a sign of you owning your business and it not owning you. I think this is a really important piece of something that I had to learn years ago because I was giving everything everywhere and I had nothing left to be human, I'm going to say. So when you're looking at boundaries, they kind of have that, you know, yucky feeling that you're having to tell somebody no. If you're like me who wants to say yes, I want to say yes to everything I can. But knowing I'm saying yes to something means I'm saying no to something else. Is that no to my kids? Is that no to my family? Is that no to a client? Is that no? What is the no to? That I am, you know, taking away that ability to say yes to something I want to by saying yes to the wrong things. Yeah. And we talked about that in our last episode too, about who we're saying yes to, or yesaholics, I think we've called it in the past, other places. So if you're even dabbling on that, go listen to the last episode too, to see where we can start filtering out some of those yeses. Back to our conversation on boundaries. When was there a time, Kim, that you actually broke your own boundary? So I started slow when I was building boundaries. I'll just say this. So I have lots of examples, but the one that I really feel like is significant for the last few years, I will say, is I am very hardcore about a boundary that I have every quarter, that I have four days. that i literally step away from everything and concentrate on the plan for the next quarter i call it having coffee with things we do a process called sticky note time which you know we've talked a lot about on this podcast um but friday morning to tuesday morning is on my calendar and it is not flexible. It's not negotiable. It's not optional. After years of doing it, it's very much set in what I'm going to call stone because I know the value that it gives me for the next thirteen weeks after it. It's not that I'm just trying to, you know, block off and it's OK to even block off just for yourself. But It affects our whole team. It affects all of our clients. It affects everything we do that next quarter. So it's very important to take that time. And I know how significant it is. But we had a, I don't know if you want to call it a faux pas. We had an incident that happened where, and I'll be honest, it was the client that did not do what they were supposed to do. They took advantage of the situation, but they had a deadline to publish their book for a whole list of reasons that they needed to get it out that day. it was set to go out the day before sticky note time weekend. So all was well, like it was scheduled properly. It was all that, but they didn't get some things done, which pushed into, they weren't going to be able to publish it that day, which pushed into, they weren't going to have it ready when they needed it for like their clients. And it was just a big domino effect that, And I compromise, regrettably so. I compromise because our clients are very important to us. And I allowed that, you know, non-emergency because it really wasn't an emergency. But I allowed that to influence me to use part of my sticky note time weekend, which turned into, in the moment, you're thinking it's no big deal, right? But it turned into, I wasn't ready with all the things I needed to be for the team coming back that next Tuesday. I wasn't ready for, you know, and I was exhausted. Publishing is, you know, can be exhausting when you're checking all the things, making sure they're all right. So I feel like this is a good example of where I busted a boundary and Feeling like I was doing the right thing and then finding out on the other side, I really wasn't because it cost our team. It cost our business. It cost my family. It had a high cost to it. And reality was, if that client had done what they were supposed to do at the time they were supposed to do it and they would not have been late with their part of what they needed to do, the schedule was just fine. After having had that happen, I'm going to tell you I have a different padding around Sticky Note Time Weekend that I don't publish things right before we go on Sticky Note Time Weekend because of that incident. It was really devastating. And, you know, maybe if you're listening, you're thinking, well, that doesn't sound like a really big deal. I have this really big thing over here that happened. But the emotions of letting someone down, the emotions of not having what you said you would have ready. That's very hard. It's very hard because it broke my heart to have to come back and not be ready to do the things that I had deadlines for. And I think we got to remember these boundaries actually affect other people around us. It's not just about saying no to something and that's the only thing. It really does impact how we can show up. So we don't have that. We don't have that problem around here anymore. And I remember watching you walk through that like I and I was affected by it also, like as part of the team. And I'm not alone in it, you know, being part of the team that was affected by it. It wasn't just that. It was a domino effect, not that you affected it to me, but that the whole situation was effective to the whole team. And for better and for worse, it's not that it was a terrible quarter, although it messed up our first month. It took us a long time to get back on track so that we could have a usual quarter. But it also set up different boundaries for us moving forward, which I think was a beautiful way for us to use and learn from this busted boundary. We did learn from it. But I do want to add, being the owner of your business gives you the responsibility. So even though the client didn't do what they were supposed to, it really boils down to the boundary was my responsibility. Thank you. So saying no, I could not, you know, follow through with what they were asking. That was what really should have happened. That's the regret I have. It wasn't that getting it out the door was a regret. It wasn't. It's what you're talking about now, Jill, that affected everybody for more than just a day. It was something that affected us. And taking responsibility for it is very important. So I want to make it very clear on this episode. I'm not saying, look, they did it. It's their fault. I'm saying it was a chain reaction. They didn't honor their boundary, which caused me to waver on my boundary. But that's all me. That's all my responsibility to say no. I can't, I can't do this. So I want to make that loud and clear too. Yeah. Cause you're not in control of what they were doing. So that, that is not what the conversation is about. It's it's, it is about how you chose to, to put them first in this situation and then how we learned that we don't want to do that again. You know, There may come a day that there's an emergency, not that we are emergency workers, but SOS is from clients where it might actually be something we need to consider to go ahead and break a boundary. But we also have now an understanding of the cost that comes with that in a very unique way because we've lived through it. And we have a bigger boundary now. And I think that that's an important part to like just put out there. When we're talking sexy, we're talking about that, that your life doesn't sacrifice for your business. You know, there are times you do more. Let's be really honest. There are times we do more in our businesses and there are times where we have to set aside extra time for something. There are times like that. But as a general rule, a sexy business is not one that you're constantly saying, well, I can't go to dinner with my family. I can't show up for bedtime for my kids. I can't, you know, ever see my friends. I can't like there's a whole list of can'ts. I can't do these things because my business is sucking the life out of me. That is not sexy. No, we want to do the can-can dance. We can do that. That's right. That's right. But, you know, If you feel awful, and I think this is something, listener, I want you to hear me say, is if you are not protecting your life and you are feeling like your business is just consuming you, you've got to start putting sexy in. You've got to start putting these boundaries, which feel very unsexy, but have a sexy outcome. I think that's an important piece of this conversation, Jillo. Yeah. It's not like we're putting up hard walls or actually maybe thicker boundaries. We're putting up different, we're putting them up in a different way. So let's talk about some of the ways that we've started now to change our boundaries so that we can protect our sexy life time access and emotional boundaries are what we're going to talk about today. And these are like topics I will just say that there is a strategy to having a sexy business. And I think the three types of boundaries that you're mentioning, Jill, are very important to frame. Like we need to frame these because we had to frame them and we were putting them in place for ourselves. yeah um time boundaries what what is your time boundary i can laugh and tell you there is a zero possibility you're going to get me after pumpkin o'clock even if you have an emergency you are not going to get me because i have a hard boundary of if i don't get enough sleep i'm terrible I don't do well. I'll give you bad advice maybe, or, you know, so I'm, I'm very much honoring my commitment to sleep by putting that boundary in place, which sounds sometimes counterproductive, but it's not because you know what? Nobody calls me after pumpkin and clock because I've made that clear up front. I've already said, this is the boundary. Um, I think when you work and when you don't needs to be set before it comes up. So if you're looking at your calendar, what hours are you going to commit to your business? What hours? And you have to be flexible. They'll change sometimes, but, But if you know, like for us, Tuesday, Wednesdays and Thursdays are our business days. That's when we commit to things. I know automatically somebody asked me to do something on a Tuesday. If I have, you know, done my schedule the way I intend, I can I can easily say, no, I can't on Tuesday, right? Because I already know what I'm doing. I'm teaching class for several hours. I'm, you know, putting things into place. I'm doing the things I need to do so that we stay in business. I have meeting days versus non-meeting days. So forever... in a business I had a few years ago, it was known if it was Thursday, I would take a meeting. If it wasn't Thursday, I wouldn't because I stacked all my meetings. I was, you know, ready to go to town. I was dressed properly. I was like, Hair and makeup and all the things that made it easier. Time boundaries are just hard. They protect our rest, our sleep, our relationships. And they give our brain that I can close this laptop at this time. I can say no to things. And I'm going to bring up something really bad, but I'm just going to bring it up. If you're working for somebody, let's say you work at a restaurant. Are they okay with you not showing up for work during the hours you're working? And do the people around you respect it if you say, hey, I can't talk between six and nine because I'm waiting tables? They don't have the same feeling as if they view you being at home. Right. They'll ask you to do things. So you have to have those same kind of boundaries. This is my work hours and this is what I am claiming the space for. So no is an answer if it's during that time. So two, kind of getting right into this as well, is the access boundaries. How and when people can reach you. So if I am in airplane mode doing a project and it's during my appointed time, you're not going to get me. You're just not. Jill can testify to this. But the how and when is important because If I know and I'm going to use my own like silliness as an example. If I know I'm going to be able to talk to Jill on Friday, I'm not going to stress if I can't get her on Thursday. But if I don't know when I'm going to get to talk to Jill about something business related, it's just up in the air of at some point. That makes me very stressed. So giving your clients or your customers a place to know this is when you can expect me to respond to an email. I will respond to a phone call or whatever it is. It gives them a less stressful relationship with you. But if you don't have these boundaries in place, I know if you've ever had kids, it's every five minutes. I need this. I need this. I need this. Because they don't know those boundaries. So your clients are full grown. Let me just say this out loud. Your clients are full grown. They can wait until Friday if that's what they need to do. Yeah. Don't let them own you. Don't let your business own you. Don't let that weigh you down. Third one's emotional boundaries. What you will and won't carry for clients in the business. This one's going to get really spicy and I want to put a disclaimer in front of it. If you are our client, we are not talking about you. Okay. Because I don't want anybody coming back and saying, oh, was she talking about me? These are past stories. But not taking client urgency as an emergency. I got a newsflash. Jill and I are not doctors. Nope. we are not going to be the one you get on the nine one one, you know, response team. We're not, we take SOSs. If it's during our hours, we can, because we do care about our clients. And then SOS could be, you know, their launch broke something, something happened. I think that's worth, you know, saying if, if possible, Hey, let me hold on for this project real quick and let me help them get this fixed. Okay. That's reasonable. But we've had clients who were, I'm just going to say high maintenance. They would think that everything was an emergency. Everything was escalated. It's not the truth. It's not the truth. So I want to say that out loud. And again, no clients now. I'm not saying that. Not tying yourself forth to saying yes. Not tying whether you're going to be, you know, valuable to them because you have boundaries up. This is another piece of the puzzle, I think. During launches, it gets pretty intense around here. This is not, you know, you cannot call me in December when I'm on break. If you know already ahead of time and we set our calendar for the year at the end of the year before, you already know I'm not available. So if you put a launch in there, I will not be available for SOS. I won't. Knowing when to say this isn't my problem to fix. If a client or customer doesn't listen, They don't hear what you're saying. I definitely think you keep trying to get them to understand something, but they can't call you after pumpkin o'clock just because they didn't want to listen when we were together. These are just examples. Emotional boundaries, when I finally started putting them into place, it changed how I was showing up. Because you can become very resentful when someone doesn't respect your boundaries. But if you're not clear about them, that was part of my problem is I wasn't clear with my boundaries. So it's almost like chaos. Chaos is welcome everywhere because I didn't have a clear, no, this is not how it works. So I think putting boundaries in place is actually a loving thing to do for yourself. And a loving thing to do for those around you so that you're not hurting their feelings or not causing them harm or extra stress. Those are like really important. Yeah. And we live in such an instant world right now that these boundaries kind of put a buffer up for us to back away from that. feeling of urgency and needing to feel like we need to be instantly accessible in some kind of a way for others when we need to be instantly accessible for ourselves at all times, like taking care of ourselves, because how can we take care of others if we're not taking care of ourselves? And that's what really this comes down to. And I can say that my business is sexier with these kinds of boundaries that I've put into place and learned how to honor and So how can we actually apply them to our own businesses with this information, Kim? So I think, you know, making it very practical, very doable, because if you try to put a boundary in place that's too big, you won't get there. I didn't start out with four days a quarter. I started out with an afternoon years ago that I took off to do this digging up times process. I think a time boundary would be to literally... put on paper because here's the commitment. If you don't put it on paper or you don't have it in front of you, you won't honor it. My working hours are these days, these times. I do not schedule calls or reply to messages outside those hours. I think that's a very sexy boundary because at the end of the day, as a business owner, we also have to do business stuff, not even just the clients and customers stuff. But we also have to handle our business things. So making that clear keeps somebody from getting their feelings hurt is what I think. And the access boundary, I think the best way to reach me is this. Like we have a WhatsApp for the team. We have a WhatsApp for the masterminders that we have in our groups. I'll respond within this amount of time on business days. So the team knows they can leave me messages twenty four seven. But they also are fully aware until I get up and I am ready for the day, I do not respond. So no hurt feelings, no extra pressure on them or me because they know. It's not me being mean or ignoring them. It's, hey, this is the way that this works. The other emotional boundary, you know, thing to write down is I'm responsible for showing up fully and delivering what I promised. I'm not responsible for, and you put in the blank, I'm not responsible for our client's last minute panic. If they're late to something, I'm not responsible for that. I'm not responsible for their decisions. I'm not responsible for decisions I can't control, right? If you will detach you from the outcome for your clients, I want to make this very clear in black and white because I'm not saying you don't help them get outcomes. You're not invested in them. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying you don't break your boundaries because of fearing they're going to leave or or fearing they're not going to get what they're wanting, you have to have those outcomes be their responsibility. I'll give you the information. I'll give you the support. I will help you get there. But if you don't get there at the end of the day, because I take away four days for sticky note time weekend, you're putting blame on me. It's not my fault. I take responsibility fully. I want to show up fully. If you keep me up late at night past pumpkin o'clock. don't take my advice. I'm going to say that loud and clear because when I get so tired, I'm done. Like, don't, don't put pressure on someone to give you something that they're not responsible for. Yeah. So. And it really comes down to us remembering our own boundaries. So I love that you are telling us to, to put it somewhere in writing, you know, even if it's a sticky note across your desktop or your laptop, just as a reminder, if you need to put it on your about page on your website, just so others know it too and, Um, that way you can continue to honor it. And we not just want you to take away this framing of how to set up boundaries, but we want you to have a win at the end of this episode, just like we do for every episode. So Kim, what can we do today? So if you only do one thing from this episode, do this. Choose one area. So whether it's time, access, or emotions, write a one-sentence boundary statement using the templates we shared. I am working till this time not past. I am, like, just be very specific. and communicate it to one person this week so that might be a client a team member or someone at home and i'm gonna laugh and tell you it may feel very uncomfortable at first but your future self is going to thank you i think jill knew me probably less than a week and this is our sixth year together she knew me less than a week and she already knew what pumpkin o'clock was Like, I just, I'm very forthright with those kind of boundaries. So nobody is upset when I stand my ground. And I hope you, sweet listener, stand your ground on your boundaries. So let's recap real quick. Our boundaries are time, access and emotional, and they can be building blocks to a sexy business and a sexy life. There's going to be more peace, more presence and less resentment when you start putting these things into place. Go back, listen to some of the older episodes. If something resonates with you and you know someone who's like really struggling with one of these things, share it with them. They might get something useful out of it. But we want you to come back next week also because we'll be talking about buckets, boom gates and burnout and how to design your business around your real life priorities. So thank you so much for listening. We couldn't make this podcast better without you. So we hope to see you next time. Love y'all. Thank you for joining Kim and Jill in the Buckets and Boomgate studio for today's conversation. Don't forget to follow the show for future juicy episodes, and they can't wait to chat with you next week.
